A Brief Check-In

Hello. I'm very sorry for my absence. I am moving in 2 days and I am also preparing for the NEYM Sessions gathering which also starts in 2 days. While working on the farm. And slowly sweating to death. If you haven't registered for sessions yet... well, it might be too late but I would really love it if you did. This year is going to be on zoom, which will be weird but also cool because there are different sessions at various times of the day so there should be some time for you. Plus also, I am speaking at the meeting for business on Saturday the 8th, so if you like hearing me open my mouth and you want to hear my personal call to action, you should sign up! If not... I'll probaby post my talk (or an abridged version; it's supposed to be 10 minutes) here anyways.

OK, off to go write said talk. It's been a long time since I've had to actually structure what I'm writing... Wish me luck!

The plan is for me to write more regularly after this week of sessions!

This post is sponsored by Lots Of Ice Cream.

Recommended Reading: White Fragility

Hello! Sorry I have been so absent. It is July, I've had coworkers out with non-covid illnesses and injuries and I am just a tad fried after our latest heat wave. I am trying to write more often, but as you know I'm just full of excuses not to! 

I finished reading the book White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo pretty recently, and I will say I learned some things. I have been on the business end of white fragility more times than I could ever count, and it's had a pretty damaging impact on my life. So hearing a white person come out and label things that have been said to me as "defense mechanism used to maintain white superiority, often in the form of comfort" was like drinking ice water after spending 5 hours in a tomato-growing greenhouse. She cites a lot of the things white people say in response to "being accused of racism" (a lot of times, thinking they're being accused is the first half of the defense mechanism) and then patiently explains why they are harmful to people of color. 
She also gives some examples of how to react when someone tells you that you offended them (or another person of color). You know - how to apologize without drowning everyone in white guilt. 

My other reaction was general aggravation. When someone says something racist, even if it was unintentional and "not that racist", they either get away with it or they throw a hissy fit because now they're "accused of being racist." And then white people have to hold their hand and say "it's OK, I know you didn't mean it that way but this is the impact you're having." What if, when someone said something racist to me, I got to throw a hissy fit? And instead of saying "geez could you stop overreacting?", what if people said "I realize that hurt your feelings now, and I'm sorry and I'll try not to say it again"? Huh! The amount of hand-holding and feelings-protecting that white people demand is absolutely mind-boggling to me, and frankly I hope that as I progress into adulthood, I never need that much coddling!

There are a few limitations to the book. The author is evidently an anti-racism/bias educator who has clearly spent a lot of time with workplaces in which one or two people are Black and everyone else is white. I would definitely want to handle a lot of these comments in professional settings differently from how I would handle comments coming from my frineds or family. I have also noticed a bigger culture difference between being the only person of color in the room vs. having 5 people of color in the room, even if white people are in the majority. When I've been the only person of color I've been allowed to think that race doesn't matter, until someone says something ridiculous ("I'm not trying to be racist, but I just hate how all the Asian students just push their way onto the bus without even looking up from their phones. I mean, they're so entitled!"), at which point I tend to feel really isolated. When there are more people of color, even if we come from different backgrounds, there is still some degree of understanding and solidarity. And hey - when there are more than four people of color, you might have a real support group! (and then you have to tell everyone to read Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria by Beverly Tatum) (actually, you should go read that as soon as you're done reading this blog).

Anyways - I know that a lot of people have been doing anti-racism work in their personal lives and already know why you shouldn't say things like "I work hard to earn my way through life so I don't understand why these people should just get handouts" but I feel like a lot of said white people need reminders or examples of how to kindly explain racism to their fellow white peers. I cringe whenever white people sassily announce that the thing their white peer just said was racist because xyz; as we all know, anger drives people away, and white people have not earned the right to be as angry about racism in the same way as someone who has been victimized by it their whole life. So while I recommend you fill your reading list by books written by authors of color, I think White Fragility is a decent book to add to your list. 
-Anna

Universities as Racial Institutions

Today I am going to share 10 racist things I had to deal with in my first college; Clark University. When I was processing them in 2013-2015, I was met with: "ugh, not again... do you ever talk about anything else? You really need to get over it. It isn't good for you to dwell on these things. People are learning, give them time. I don't believe anyone said that to you! They probably didn't mean it like that." And, the one time I stood up for myself, "well, you didn't have to be so rude about it."

This exercise has three purposes. First, to all my white readers who are saying you are ready to listen to people of color, we are going to test and develop that skill. You will read through this incomplete list without yelling out the first (or second or third) thing that pops into your mind. Then, if you're ready to progress beyond listening to people of color, you are going to leave a supportive comment that you wish your newly woke self had said 5 years ago. Or, if you don't understand why something offended you, you can leave a correctly worded question.

The second purpose is to make you realize that no matter how much colleges and universities want you to think they care about racial diversity, they'll put our bodies on their brochures and turn a blind eye when the white students and faculty damage our psyches.

The third purpose is that I (theoretically) get to feel heard and supported after a pretty traumatic time in my life.

1. In the fall of 2014, the Black Student Union published a list of demands. White students everywhere, incuding roommates, proceeded to call them pushy, unreasonable, demanding and uppity. Yeah - UPPITY.

2. At least two demands were centered around some scandal involving the coach of the men's basketball team. My white girl roommates said that this was ridiculous, because the head of the athletics department was a kind, trusting perosn that they would feel going to with any problem and if the Black guys on the men's basketball team didn't feel like they could talk to her about the racism they were supposedly experiencing, it was their own fault.

3. Another demand was that either people of color or Black get a resource room/safe space in the fancy new student union which was being built. Many white students complained that this was segregation, and some felt like they would need to designate a safe space for white people, too.

4. When I was sitting by myself in the mostly empty cafeteria at 7am on a weekend, two white girls walked by loudly asking why all the Asians never made an effort to integrate into the rest of the student body by always sitting together and talking in other languages. This was the time I stood up for myself by saying that English was my native language so I understood and did not appreciate what she said. And then I informed her that she was probably the reason no international student would want to "integrate" into Clark's society.

5. In the beginning of all three fall semesters, at least three people approached me asking some version of "do, you, know, where, you, are, going??!!!??!?!?!?" in THAT tone of voice.

6. People complained forever about how they were paying a lot of money to go to this school but they kept on getting TAs with thick accents they couldn't understand. So how could they possibly be expeted to learn anything?!

7. People complained endlessly about international students who talked too loudly on the phones in common areas (um, sometimes international calls get worse signal?) or kept them up at weird hours (um, most of their families lived in different time zones?) and were only here because the university wanted their money anyways (um, you're welcome that international students will keep these institutions running so that you can get financial aid?).

8. Clark was in a neighborhood of working/middle class Latino immigrants. Depending who they were talking to, students were either terrified of being robbed at night or acted like they were tough now because they were in a ghetto neigborhood. And of course these people just needed to be saved, especially by education and psychology students.

9. Back to the birth of Black Lives Matter, students used protests as an excuse to get out of class and not enact actual social change (this was brilliantly covered in The Hate U Give).

10. And of course, any incident of racism where no one got physically hurt or killed was subject to be diminished with "well, at least nobody got hurt or killed."

All right, there you have it: racism in universities. I overheard a lot of these comments from more than one white person. Take all the time you need to consider how my experience at college was different from yours or your children's, from my academics to just trying to hang out with friends in the cafeteria. It is worth noting that I never received a microaggression from a profesor, although as a white-acting Asian I am not the person who will receive the worst racism has to offer. And I was serious about wanting to hear your responses.

Thanks for reading! -Anna

Who Is Violent, Who Is Safe?

"Of course, I fully support the peaceful protestors." 
"Non-violent protests make a more powerful statement." 
"I just cannot condone people being violent."
These sentiments were common among my white, liberal, middle class friends and family. Like, don't take it personally but literally all of you said something like this at least once in the last two months. On the one hand, I totally see where you're coming from. I was raised to think the same way and honestly, I'm not capable of stomaching much in the way of destruction or people getting hurt, either. But I would like us to re-evaluate these lines of thinking. 

Let's admit it: we in the white, liberal, middle class world do not like seeing cars set on fire. Or buildings. I suspect that this hits close to home because we own cars and buildings, and shop at some of these stores. We don't like to hear about Black people getting shot or maced or clubbed or strangled or blasted around the streets with fire hoses either, but none of this happens in "our" neighborhoods. We watch it on the TV or social media until we decide to take a break and go make dinner or whatever. Whether you mean to or not, you are equating the destruction of property with the acts of physical violence that police do to Black people on a regular basis (I'll talk more about other forms of systematic violence later, don't worry). I am also concerned that we are training ourselves to see Black people as the victims of violence, when we need to be training ourselves to see them as people. 
In the future, let's make sure we're condemning the right people. The headlines won't say it, but you can: Police are brutalizing protestors, police are murdering, police are committing race crimes. It's OK to be uncomfortable with violence as long as you're aware of where the violence is coming from.

*****

And speaking of police, we have seen a lot of calls to defund or abolish the police. Some cities are actually making strides here. Several major cities have announced that they are redirectiong multimillions of dollars from their police departments to social services like education. Minneapolis is making strides to disbanding its police force altogether. This has prompted a lot more white liberal middle class questions of safety; notably, "Who am I supposed to call if there's a robbery at my house?" 

While I'm sure there are anti-law enforcement advocates out there, all the sensible people I know plan to replace the current police system with something safer for everyone. So if something happens to you, you can still get a response. And this time, the response will match the problem. I also want to point out that comparing your worries of property theft to the fear Black people have of being harassed, set up and murdered by police is a good example of white supremacy. I'm not saying you need to give up your house and belongings to dismantle it and if that was your first thought, I would like to suggest that that's a very defensive response. I am saying, listen to the people who are being the most hurt by police. That would be homeless people, that would be indigenous people, that would be many immigrants, trans folks and people with mental health problems, and that would especially be Black people. They are telling you that, big picture, police do not keep them safe (I'm sure there are individual cases that suggest otherwise; now is an insensitive time to talk about them) and it is now up to you whether you keep saying "but my safety matters more" or "OK, I'm ready to hear your alternative suggestions." 
On Minneapolis: https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/minneapolis-council-puts-plan-abolish-police-motion-71469336
Police are a majorly huge system of violence being highlighted right now. It deserves its own post, which I will write later. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment more! 
-Anna

Coming from a Place of Love

The other day, I was confronted with an interesting question from a white Young Adult Friend: in the context of our role in societal strife (ie racism), how do we tell our respected elders that they are wrong? I appreciated this question, because it puts words to a dilemna I've faced many times as a person of color living in a sea of white people.

My answer was (and still is) to share what a white mother with two adopted Black children in some other anti-racism workshop; I just remember that when my children confront me with my racism, they are coming from a place of love.

In my experience, it can be extremely hard to tell someone you really care about that they just said something insensitive. When I was little, it felt like a choice between "the adult is right" and "my feelings are hurt but I don't know why so I should just move on". When I became a (pre)teen, it was sometimes "that was a dumb thing to say, but I'm sure the adult didn't mean it so I won't ruin their day by telling them, and I'll get over it". I only remember standing up for myself if I got really mad. Anyone who knew me in 9th grade will remember the time a student teacher took over my English class and mixed up the names of all three Asian girls. And worse, when I finally did confront him after school, he said it was because none of us participated enough and so our faces didn't stand out to him. Did you hear that? That was the sound of my eyes rolling straight off my face.

Anyways, while my butthurt emotions will justifiably get in the way, I feel like I'm not really trying to tell my elders that they're wrong when confronting them with racism. I mean, technically yes, they may be saying or doing the wrong thing because it is offensive or systematically racist. But if I'm talking to people I am in family, friendship or community with, the point is not "you're wrong". The point is "hey, that was actually offensive, and I'd like to help you do better by pointing this out so you don't do/say it again." Underlying message: I care about you and want this relationship to grow healthily. 
It is worth noting that when I'm talking about offensive white people outside my beloved community, I will be much more obnoxious. I will probably roast them in my standup comedy routine (ask me about my first college experience sometime). We all have need outlets for our stress!

This lesson did take me many years to learn; see my introduction post for disclaimers on my background and identity. Other people of color, especially those who are not raised in predominantly white communities, may have very different experiences. For those who share my background and have also chosen not to abandon your white communities, I hope you found something useful or relatable. To my white readers, I hope you have gained some insight into the emotional labor of protecting white people's feelings. And I hope that when you see subtle racism in your community, I hope you now feel prepared to confront it without letting your anger get in your way. 


Questions? Thoughts? Reflections? Times that you've second-guessed a chance to kindly confront someone? I'd love to hear them!
-Anna

Welcome, etc

Hello. It's me, Anna. I assume you are here because you know me and you are interested in talking about racism - or, more accurately, to hear (read?!) what I have to say about racism. I am thrilled because a) I love reading on principle, b) when we read things we have more time to process than we do in real-time conversation (sometimes) and c) I am flattered that you think what I have to say is important!

Before my head gets too big, I want us all to remember a few things. First, I am an interracial adoptee raised almost exclusively by white people. I experience racism on the regular, but I "think white" and "talk white". I am also east Asian, and have never faced life-threatening racism. My experiences are real, so I don't appreciate being told that I'm not a real person of color. However, I want to acknowledge that I do not experience the worst that America has to offer. And I want to acknowledge that my words as an Asian American woman often perceived as less threatening than the words of any Black/African American person. So while I'm happy that you're here, I want to be clear that racism against Black folks is one of the biggest crises in the nation in part because we have not been listening to them for the last couple of centuries. So if you only have a limited amount of time, I hope you are spending it reading literature/media put out by Black folks and not this blog!

Additionally, I am writing this with the assumption that most of my audience will be from my white Quaker community. You are my safe microcosom of society that seems most ready to engage in anti-racism work. I am fine with you sharing things that seem applicable; it's the internet! But I know that some people are so atheist that they will get upset that I talk about God. This is fine; we all have our own motivations for being good humans in society. However... well, you have been warned.

And if you're also a person of color, please engage in whatever capacity works for you! This is meant to be educational for white people, though, so if this is an issue you are also free to abandon ship.

My hope is that I contribute to the inner dismantling of white supremacy. Social and political actions are sorely needed (more on police abolition later) but I am here to prompt conversations that address the former. I don't exactly know what direction this will take - I guess that depends on who ends up following me! - but stay tuned for more of my experiences, thoughts,. Feel free to leave questions or comments; I can't promise I'll answer everything (don't all comment at once, now) but I would be very happy to know I'm not just screaming into a void. As if we do anything else on the internet. Anyways, here's to dismantling the #*&@! out of white supremacy!

-Anna