Hello! Sorry I have been so absent. It is July, I've had coworkers out with non-covid illnesses and injuries and I am just a tad fried after our latest heat wave. I am trying to write more often, but as you know I'm just full of excuses not to!
I finished reading the book White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo pretty recently, and I will say I learned some things. I have been on the business end of white fragility more times than I could ever count, and it's had a pretty damaging impact on my life. So hearing a white person come out and label things that have been said to me as "defense mechanism used to maintain white superiority, often in the form of comfort" was like drinking ice water after spending 5 hours in a tomato-growing greenhouse. She cites a lot of the things white people say in response to "being accused of racism" (a lot of times, thinking they're being accused is the first half of the defense mechanism) and then patiently explains why they are harmful to people of color.
She also gives some examples of how to react when someone tells you that you offended them (or another person of color). You know - how to apologize without drowning everyone in white guilt.
My other reaction was general aggravation. When someone says something racist, even if it was unintentional and "not that racist", they either get away with it or they throw a hissy fit because now they're "accused of being racist." And then white people have to hold their hand and say "it's OK, I know you didn't mean it that way but this is the impact you're having." What if, when someone said something racist to me, I got to throw a hissy fit? And instead of saying "geez could you stop overreacting?", what if people said "I realize that hurt your feelings now, and I'm sorry and I'll try not to say it again"? Huh! The amount of hand-holding and feelings-protecting that white people demand is absolutely mind-boggling to me, and frankly I hope that as I progress into adulthood, I never need that much coddling!
There are a few limitations to the book. The author is evidently an anti-racism/bias educator who has clearly spent a lot of time with workplaces in which one or two people are Black and everyone else is white. I would definitely want to handle a lot of these comments in professional settings differently from how I would handle comments coming from my frineds or family. I have also noticed a bigger culture difference between being the only person of color in the room vs. having 5 people of color in the room, even if white people are in the majority. When I've been the only person of color I've been allowed to think that race doesn't matter, until someone says something ridiculous ("I'm not trying to be racist, but I just hate how all the Asian students just push their way onto the bus without even looking up from their phones. I mean, they're so entitled!"), at which point I tend to feel really isolated. When there are more people of color, even if we come from different backgrounds, there is still some degree of understanding and solidarity. And hey - when there are more than four people of color, you might have a real support group! (and then you have to tell everyone to read Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria by Beverly Tatum) (actually, you should go read that as soon as you're done reading this blog).
Anyways - I know that a lot of people have been doing anti-racism work in their personal lives and already know why you shouldn't say things like "I work hard to earn my way through life so I don't understand why these people should just get handouts" but I feel like a lot of said white people need reminders or examples of how to kindly explain racism to their fellow white peers. I cringe whenever white people sassily announce that the thing their white peer just said was racist because xyz; as we all know, anger drives people away, and white people have not earned the right to be as angry about racism in the same way as someone who has been victimized by it their whole life. So while I recommend you fill your reading list by books written by authors of color, I think White Fragility is a decent book to add to your list.
-Anna
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