Who Is Violent, Who Is Safe?

"Of course, I fully support the peaceful protestors." 
"Non-violent protests make a more powerful statement." 
"I just cannot condone people being violent."
These sentiments were common among my white, liberal, middle class friends and family. Like, don't take it personally but literally all of you said something like this at least once in the last two months. On the one hand, I totally see where you're coming from. I was raised to think the same way and honestly, I'm not capable of stomaching much in the way of destruction or people getting hurt, either. But I would like us to re-evaluate these lines of thinking. 

Let's admit it: we in the white, liberal, middle class world do not like seeing cars set on fire. Or buildings. I suspect that this hits close to home because we own cars and buildings, and shop at some of these stores. We don't like to hear about Black people getting shot or maced or clubbed or strangled or blasted around the streets with fire hoses either, but none of this happens in "our" neighborhoods. We watch it on the TV or social media until we decide to take a break and go make dinner or whatever. Whether you mean to or not, you are equating the destruction of property with the acts of physical violence that police do to Black people on a regular basis (I'll talk more about other forms of systematic violence later, don't worry). I am also concerned that we are training ourselves to see Black people as the victims of violence, when we need to be training ourselves to see them as people. 
In the future, let's make sure we're condemning the right people. The headlines won't say it, but you can: Police are brutalizing protestors, police are murdering, police are committing race crimes. It's OK to be uncomfortable with violence as long as you're aware of where the violence is coming from.

*****

And speaking of police, we have seen a lot of calls to defund or abolish the police. Some cities are actually making strides here. Several major cities have announced that they are redirectiong multimillions of dollars from their police departments to social services like education. Minneapolis is making strides to disbanding its police force altogether. This has prompted a lot more white liberal middle class questions of safety; notably, "Who am I supposed to call if there's a robbery at my house?" 

While I'm sure there are anti-law enforcement advocates out there, all the sensible people I know plan to replace the current police system with something safer for everyone. So if something happens to you, you can still get a response. And this time, the response will match the problem. I also want to point out that comparing your worries of property theft to the fear Black people have of being harassed, set up and murdered by police is a good example of white supremacy. I'm not saying you need to give up your house and belongings to dismantle it and if that was your first thought, I would like to suggest that that's a very defensive response. I am saying, listen to the people who are being the most hurt by police. That would be homeless people, that would be indigenous people, that would be many immigrants, trans folks and people with mental health problems, and that would especially be Black people. They are telling you that, big picture, police do not keep them safe (I'm sure there are individual cases that suggest otherwise; now is an insensitive time to talk about them) and it is now up to you whether you keep saying "but my safety matters more" or "OK, I'm ready to hear your alternative suggestions." 
On Minneapolis: https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/minneapolis-council-puts-plan-abolish-police-motion-71469336
Police are a majorly huge system of violence being highlighted right now. It deserves its own post, which I will write later. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment more! 
-Anna

Coming from a Place of Love

The other day, I was confronted with an interesting question from a white Young Adult Friend: in the context of our role in societal strife (ie racism), how do we tell our respected elders that they are wrong? I appreciated this question, because it puts words to a dilemna I've faced many times as a person of color living in a sea of white people.

My answer was (and still is) to share what a white mother with two adopted Black children in some other anti-racism workshop; I just remember that when my children confront me with my racism, they are coming from a place of love.

In my experience, it can be extremely hard to tell someone you really care about that they just said something insensitive. When I was little, it felt like a choice between "the adult is right" and "my feelings are hurt but I don't know why so I should just move on". When I became a (pre)teen, it was sometimes "that was a dumb thing to say, but I'm sure the adult didn't mean it so I won't ruin their day by telling them, and I'll get over it". I only remember standing up for myself if I got really mad. Anyone who knew me in 9th grade will remember the time a student teacher took over my English class and mixed up the names of all three Asian girls. And worse, when I finally did confront him after school, he said it was because none of us participated enough and so our faces didn't stand out to him. Did you hear that? That was the sound of my eyes rolling straight off my face.

Anyways, while my butthurt emotions will justifiably get in the way, I feel like I'm not really trying to tell my elders that they're wrong when confronting them with racism. I mean, technically yes, they may be saying or doing the wrong thing because it is offensive or systematically racist. But if I'm talking to people I am in family, friendship or community with, the point is not "you're wrong". The point is "hey, that was actually offensive, and I'd like to help you do better by pointing this out so you don't do/say it again." Underlying message: I care about you and want this relationship to grow healthily. 
It is worth noting that when I'm talking about offensive white people outside my beloved community, I will be much more obnoxious. I will probably roast them in my standup comedy routine (ask me about my first college experience sometime). We all have need outlets for our stress!

This lesson did take me many years to learn; see my introduction post for disclaimers on my background and identity. Other people of color, especially those who are not raised in predominantly white communities, may have very different experiences. For those who share my background and have also chosen not to abandon your white communities, I hope you found something useful or relatable. To my white readers, I hope you have gained some insight into the emotional labor of protecting white people's feelings. And I hope that when you see subtle racism in your community, I hope you now feel prepared to confront it without letting your anger get in your way. 


Questions? Thoughts? Reflections? Times that you've second-guessed a chance to kindly confront someone? I'd love to hear them!
-Anna